Olympic runner "Lolo" Jones has amazingly, boldly, carefully, faithfully and skillfully cleared one of the most difficult hurdles of her life. The amazing thing about her accomplishment is not only that she has cleared this incredible hurdle-- which is actually not a one time event but one that must be cleared on a daily basis-- but that she let the entire world in on her struggle and determination to overcome this intimidating hurdle.
This hurdle, though fiercely challenging, is not unique. In fact it's the same one faced by countless teens and young adults today, but many of them wouldn't dare speak openly about it as Lolo has. This is a hurdle that even some in the faith community have declared cannot be overcome.
Lolo Jones publicly announced that she’s chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. If you think about it, that's actually two hurdles in one--remaining a virgin in today's society and then announcing it to the world.
The 29-year-old, who has been described as having "movie star looks" was quoted this week as saying,
“It’s just something, a gift that I want to give to my husband,” Jones said. “But please, understand, this journey has been hard. “If there’s virgins out there, I’m going to let them know, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life — harder than training for the Olympics, harder than graduating from college, has been to stay a virgin before marriage.”
Well, parents, teachers, youth ministers and friends, think about it. We encourage young people to work hard and sacrifice to accomplishing great things in life, and we even commit to walking alongside them to help keep them going at times when they are ready to give up. We readily do this to help a young person achieve a goal or to even go for Olympic gold. So, where are we when their goal is to remain pure until marriage?
Are we a part of the "faith-based" movement that says the church ought to give away condoms and even demonstrate how to use them so our teens and young adults can get on board a failed campaign?
Yes, I am calling the condom campaign a failure. HIV/AIDS has been around for about 30 years and the leading approach to prevention has been to promote condom use. The last time I checked, the HIV/AIDS rate has continued to be dangerously and unacceptably high and there are hardly any pre-teens, teens or young adults who don't know about condoms. Just ask one.
If I worked for a Public Relations/Marketing firm and I launched a campaign 30 years ago that continually fell far short of a client's needs, I would have been fired long before we got anywhere close to 30 years of repeating the same unsuccessful message. It would have been a miracle if I lasted 30 months with that approach.
There has been nowhere close to the amount of human and financial resources expended on a strategic, nationwide, well-researched program on abstinence that combines self-esteem, psychology, spirituality and other components related to sexual behavior, yet abstinence is called a failure.
Remember, the condom campaign has been relentless as a broken record. It even has world-renowned rappers and entertainers touting it as the best option to prevent unwanted pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases. What would a comparable, comprehensive abstinence program look like if we were really serious about it?
Maintaining sexual purity is what God expects of us, and God has promised not to put more on us than we can bear. Sure, it's difficult. But it's not impossible and it's worth the wait.
The sad thing is we simply tell our kids not to have sex, but then we strategically teach them how to use condoms. With that kind of mixed message, no wonder they fall!
"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." (James 1:8)
We don't invest enough substantive time teaching our kids how to abstain from sex. We behave as if we have already given up on the proposition before we even have the discussion, and they can tell.
We spend thousands of dollars and hours supporting our kids in extracurricular activities and camps, but nothing on encouraging and challenging them to truly value and appreciate God's gift of sex, which is what Lolo essentially called it--a gift.
Somehow despite the media blitz that uses sex to promote everything from tennis shoes to hamburgers, Lolo has been able to see sex for what it really is. She and all those who fight to remain virgins or who have started abstinence campaigns understand that sex is not some cheap, dirty, tawdry act that no one is strong enough to resist and or one that should be tainted by the "threat" of pregnancy or the fear of contracting a disease. So, why have we as people of faith accepted this definition of sex?
Lolo and many others recognize that it is so something so special that it's worth protecting and worth presenting only to the most special person in your life, not to every curious onlooker.
How many parents are racing to the internet to let their kids hear Lolo's story? How many are even asking God to lead them to organizations of young people that have begun to spring up around the country to help each other avoid the pitfalls of pre-marital sex. There are such organizations and they are only a click away on the internet.
There are even role models right under our noses. Here in DC we have Rashida Jolley, niece of renowned motivational speaker Willie Jolley. Rashida plays the harp and has toured with Lady Gaga, yet even in environments that completely cater to fornication, she publicly vows to remain pure.
A rising local comedian, Tommy Taylor proudly announces his virginity right in the middle of his comedy routines. He does it so matter of factly that it almost seems like it's no big deal--until you consider that the announcement is coming from a young, attractive, healthy single male who could probably have the woman of his choice. Instead, he chooses to wait until he can be with a woman of God's choice, one who will be his wife.
People, we can do and be whatever we want to be, and so can our children--at least that's what we tell them. Just because most of us didn't make it through our youth as virgins doesn't mean we have to rob that joy from the next generation. Nor should we let our guilt keep us silent when it comes time to encouraging them to wait until marriage.
I know that some young people will do just the opposite of what you tell them and that not everyone is going to wait until marriage to have sex. I do believe, however, that there are a lot more young people who, with the right teaching and support starting in their pre-teen years are smart enough to see the value in abstaining and strong enough to stand. Those are the ones who need our help. The others who are already planning to do wrong don't need our help because they can do bad all by themselves without adult consent.
I thank God for Lolo. Let's make her story as prominent at J-Lo, Celo and Go-Go and maybe we'll save one more young person from disease or distress due to premarital sex.
BNcouraged!
Rev. Karen
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