People...PLEASE!

Have you ever been in a situation where people were relentlessly pressuring you?  Perhaps others boldly added their priorities to your ever-growing list of priorities, demanding that you re-prioritize your priorites and recognize their priority as THE priority.

Sometimes, when the pressure from other people gets to be too much, we simply want to say, "People...PLEASE!"  Please give me space.  Please be patient.  Please respect others' needs. Please step up and handle your own responsibilities....

But, too often, instead of saying any of those things, we simply cave in and people-please.  That is, we become people pleasers and completely give in to the immediate demands of others, sometimes not even recognizing the long-term damage that may result.

Children can sniff out a people pleaser a mile away.  When they know that we can't say "no" it's open season!  When children have their way with people pleasers, not only will they demand to be allowed to run wild in a candy shop, they will have the "people pleaser" donning an apron and a paper hat, taking orders and making the candy by hand on demand!

Yes, Christians are called to love and serve others--sometimes sacrificially. However, that service should not come from a place of fear or from conflict avoidance.  Indeed, perfect (or mature) love casts out all fear. 

When we give or serve out of fear of rejection we are not serving out of love.  When we give or serve out of a need for acceptance, we are not serving out of love.  When we give or serve for any reason other than in response to the leading of God's Holy Spirit--who leads us and guides us into all truth--we are not serving out of love, we are slaves to the approval and whims of someone other than the Lord.

In Galatians 1:10, the Apostle Paul wrote, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (English Standard Version)

The New Living Translation makes the point even more plain, "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

Clearly, this people-pleasing issue is not new.  But, as servants of Jesus Christ, we must always remember that our aim is to please God, not man.   In fact, sometimes pleasing God will require that we greatly displease man. 

Peter was not happy at all about Jesus' appointment on the cross. He spoke against it and even cut off the ear of one of the soldiers who came to arrest Jesus, in an attempt to "save" Him, not understanding that Jesus' entire purpose for coming was to save us.  Had Jesus chosen to please Peter, and all those who loved Him by sparing them the agony of losing Him, we would all be lost.

People-pleasing often results in crippling, co-dependent relationships that stifle the growth and joy of everyone involved.  As a recovering people pleaser, I can attest to how deceptively innocent, and immensely dangerous it is to live as a people pleaser.  I thoroughly enjoy helping and serving others, but I have had to "trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding" to help me learn to serve in the right way and from the right place.

If you are struggling with a need to please people, think on these things: When the pain of constantly cleaning up others' mistakes, bearing their ever-growing burdens, and rescuing them time and time (and time!) again becomes too much, perhaps you can then finally find the strength to exercise tough love.  When the pain of realizing that you have inadvertently taught someone to look to you instead of the Lord as their source of strength, you can finally get out of the way and allow your loved one to go ahead and fall--right into the arms of Jesus.

When you finally realize, as I did, that it takes just as much--if not more--energy to avoid conflict as it does to resolve it, you may finally be ready to take a stand, put up a hand, and say, "People....PLEASE!"

BNcouraged!

Rev. Karen