Arrested Development

I read a disturbing story this morning about a 6-year-old kindergartner in Georgia who was handcuffed and taken to the police station for violent behavior.  She allegedly injured the principal by throwing furniture and objects around the office. She was also observed tearing items off the walls, attempting to break a glass frame and biting a doorknob, among other things.  The police officer alleges the girl even began fighting him after he attempted to calm her down.

The parents and other family members are angry because they say the girl was upset and "shaken up" by having to be placed in handcuffs and taken to the police station.  I have no doubt the girl was traumatized by her unanticipated close encounter with law enforcement.  However, I can't help but wonder if the real trauma in her life is the fact that her mother is quoted as attributing her unruly behavior at school to a "mood swing."  "She has mood swings some days, which all of us have mood swings some days," she told WMAZ-TV. "I guess that was just one of her bad days."

Sure, it seems extreme to have a 6-year-old in handcuffs, but I have worked with some 4-year-olds that truly needed to be restrained.  I don't know if the 6-year-old child in this case has medical issues that affect her behavior, but somewhere in this equation I expect to see where the parents have taken responsibility for their child's out of control behavior.  The focus cannot be solely on the school's response to the child, but on the behavior the school was responding to.

God tells us that we are to "train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6), "discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death" (Proverbs 19:18) and "the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother" (Proverbs 29:15).

I don't know what the parents in this case have attempted to do to train their child, but if the story about her behavior is accurate, it looks like there's been a major derailment in her training.  If she behaved in a violent, disrespectful and out of control manner at school, what goes on outside of school?  I seriously doubt that this behavior was new.

Sadly, I have seen too many instances in which the style of "old school" parents, who emphasized truly rearing children, has been replaced by parents who merely feed, clothe and house children and take offense at anyone who attempts to provide any hint of discipline to their children. 

Some parents have confused profanity-laced tirades for discipline.  Cussing a child out, threatening and embarrasing them is not the equivalent of healthy tools like structured discipline or teachable moments that impart wisdom and instruction into the child. In some cases, the discipline at home is so weak that home has simply become a holding pen until the children are old enough for the Federal pen -- as in penitentiary.

Somewhere along the way, long before she was arrested at school, this child's emotional and spiritual development were arrested.  Her actions may represent a cry for help, because something certainly has to change with regard to how this girl handles life.  It's also an opportunity for those in the educational and legal system to provide assistance to the parents who may benefit from additional services to support their child's emotional growth.  Perhaps a local church may seize the opportunity to get involved to help with the spiritual growth of the entire family.

Even if none of these organizations reach out to the parents, I pray that the parents will seek out such support themselves.  All parents must recognize that God holds us accountable for the children He has entrusted us with.  We must love them unconditionally, but we are also charged with teaching and correcting them when they do wrong.  "For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them" (1 Samuel 3:13).

We don't do our children any favors when we excuse inexcusable behavior.  We set them up for trouble and we, in turn, bring trouble and shame on our entire household when we refuse to tell our children that their behavior is out of order. The reality is, we don't have to teach children how to do wrong--that comes naturally to them.   We do, however, have to teach them how to do right.

If we don't have the necessary tools to pass on to our children, we can't afford to let pride keep us from doing whatever it takes to get it.  We work hard to provide physical food for our children, we have to work just as hard at securing emotional and spiritual nourishment for them and ourselves. 

Remember, we are made up of body, soul and spirit.  We can't afford to only address one aspect of our being and expect the other parts to somehow develop on their own.  Prison cells are full of people who never experienced the sense of balance, joy and peace that comes from being fully developed in body, soul and spirit. 

Even though we may not be in physical prison cells, when we fail to mature wholistically and fail to raise children in the totality of their being, we set ourselves and future generations up for arrested development.  The good news is, there is a way out.  No matter how arrested our development may be, when we submit ourselves to God through Jesus Christ, we find that, whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!

BNcouraged!

Rev. Karen